last night was great
explanations sent over visual imaginations
of what it could be if it doesn’t stop
here -
so please take note
that i’m taking notes of what’s going on
i know what it seems like & that’s not what it is
change of actions means a change of sight
currently blinded by this young, immature, insecurities
all things i’m harboring inside
if you just wait with me, not for me
i promise i’m working on making myself better
love can’t withstand all the worlds battles
but this one i believe it can
so please take it into consideration
that i’m young at this love thing
that i’m not really too good at baring my soul
to anyone, but i need to with you
because you are my better half, soul, sole mate
rest assured that i’m taking everything in my heart
hearing you clearly and knowing that i need you
i’m working on it
it’s all progress in the making
know that i’m listening and last night was a wake up call
sitting up till 5am
for once i slept peacefully not worrying about tomorrow
even though it was already underway
weights lifted, thoughts flying like a string in the wind
i’m your red balloon, just hold onto me
never let me go 

Do you still sound like
The girl that’s in Marvin’s Room
Getting the drunk call
?

late nights
school nights, weekends, and sundays
always spent up the street
in the living room
2 tables
3 people
1 goal
checkmate

checkmate
get in line, line
them all up so i can take them down
one by one
piece by piece
i’ll trade my knight
for your queen

i looked up to you
like a child lost in the grocery store
no paging system
just strolling the aisles
not light by glaring fluorescent bulbs
but instead lamps where the bugs 
make themselves dizzy in wonder

teaching me the game
piece by piece
one by one
you thought she was the best on the board
check
and i’ll take your pawn too

on the move
i’ve moved on since those nights
but sometimes i long for those days to end
no more responsibilities
and no thoughts on failed policies
just 2 tables
3 people
1 goal

checkmate
it’s coming 

A few months ago, I blogged that I was going to begin my vegetarian diet. My body has been in a long time (re)coming of the lifestyle. Maybe 3,4 days ago, I was driving on the highway, coming from the mall & I thought I’d stop by Overton’s, a local beach burger shack in my neighborhood. And I was thinking “Yeah, go by there, grab a hot dog or something…” - but then my body, rejected this idea, lol. My body didn’t want a hot dog, my mind thought it was a great option. I went against it. Instead, I didn’t stop by the shack at all. We ordered a Margarita pizza from downtown, along with some fries. 

Usually when I’m working, I grab a bite of fast food. I mean, McDonalds, Arby’s, and Five Guys are all within 4,5stores of my job so I usually grab something from there. But yesterday, I wasn’t feeling it. I was deciding between a salad, or a bagel. Went with the later, grabbed an everything bagel with cream cheese for lunch. And it was amazing, lol.

Needless to say, I’m finding myself rejecting unhealthy foods and options for eating more and more. Instead, I’m going with what my body wants - good food. Fruits, vegetables, fresh herbs, etc. And I’m loving it. It’s taken a long time to get back to myself, and I’m not completely there. However, I’m making moves. And I’m proud of myself. One more step to happiness. And I mean that.

Salaams, 

Teachers stick like glue
When you’ve grown up but still
live by what they said 

My blog looks like that of a 17yr old gay boy.
It’s quite funny.

when i wake up tomorrow
i don’t want to think about this anymore
no prolonged         dragging myself out of bed
i want to leap -       instead
tomorrow,       if i ever see it coming
i don’t want to force a smile
make the corners of my lips hurt as i greet you
i’d rather         feel         genuine
versus faking this happiness that meets you
i wonder about the changes i’ll make         tomorrow
because lord knows
                they’re not coming today 

I don’t write much
at least not like I used to
look what you’ve done 

I was just informed that the Zelda to Scott quote I just Reblogged was part of a letter that she wrote to him when he had her committed to the insane asylum.

So sexy.
(the informant & the information… Not Zelda) 

Stuck in the same place
where I was standing at start -
not saying enough. 

I write poetry that’s made for the sleepy lover. The one that’s too broken to pick up the pieces so she’s not leaving her bed for the next 2weeks. Text messages ignored & phone calls left unanswered. She declines all forms of communication, deferring to voicemail. Blackmailed by a love that once was. She seeks for that taste of caffeine in every waking moment. Yet she’s drowning in the sheets of insomnia. My rhymes aren’t enough to wake her. My words can’t resuscitate that beating that once kept her warm at night & her pillow dry. If I could, I’d create for her a million dreams that will leave her wanting to awaken and able to walk with me in this life. But she doesn’t even know that her conscience understands that even Never Never Land gave way to the rising sun.

I can’t write anything
that will place you 
in this empty bed of mine.

Much better than last year’s attempt
I think I averaged 4 poems in total

Carry on.